3. Pizzeria owner who portrays herself as an “Ambassador for Christ” who claims to be above the law, arrested by six acquaintances and currently under the full control of the law.
Four. 16 dirty, noisy blue jays and nut snatchers standing on each other’s shoulders under a raincoat wielding a baseball bat, rolled up after the FBI received a hint from a heroic nest of squirrels who want no reward or fame, but simply the knowledge that I have done something good in this crazy world.
5. A guy in a hoodie and backwards baseball cap handed over to a friend who saw pictures of him on MSNBC.
6. A guy in a flannel shirt and front baseball cap betrayed by another guy who broke into the Capitol with him.
7. Florida son of police officer and former police officer (who beat up a Capitol police officer) identified by fellow police officer.
8. A guy in a business suit and Trump hat who used bear spray on Capitol officials tipped off the reddit user.
9. A guy in tactical riot gear pretending to be a reporter arrested by an informant after watching a live broadcast on Twitch, during which the guy flatly says he’s not a reporter and adds: “Mission accomplished, we stormed the Capitol. “
10. Tom Hanks delivered by George Clooney and Whoopi Goldberg.
eleven. Florida Physical education teacher and self-described “Son of the Lord Jesus Christ” delivered by an acquaintance who saw his posts on the conservative Twitter-like platform called Parler.
Answers: All of them actually happened except # 4. (But we don’t rule that out as a future possibility). Our thanks to Joe Jervis at the Joe.My.God. Blog for keeping track of how the most idiotic of idiots is being screwed.
And now, our feature presentation …
Greetings and mockery for Tuesday, July 20, 2021
Note: The National Emergency Ant Preservation Service has issued a warning of Wicked Children walking with magnifying glasses. Federal and local authorities urge you to stay on your hill until the threat passes, sometime around September, we assume. Keep your antennas tuned to NEAPS for more updates and a variety of light conga classics. Thanks. -Atom
By the numbers:
Days until national cheesecake day: 10
Barack Obama days to 60th birthday: fifteen
Approximate number of individuals that are producing 65% of the misinformation against vaccines on social media platforms, according to the White House: 12
Share of American adults over 18 years of age who are fully vaccinated, according to the CDC: 59.2%
NorthA number of family members Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says he has lost to Covid-19: 10
Amount allocated for major immigration changes in Democrats’ $ 3.5 trillion budget, according to NBC News: $ 120 billion
Average price of used cars in the U.S, 28% more since June 2019 and a historical record: $ 26,500
Puppy photo of the day: Warm blanket …
HEALTH to Billionaires in Space II: The Sequel. If all goes according to plan, the Amazon.com founder will jump into a giant shopping cart at Texas and launch into space. Of course, it doesn’t really matter who it is, because the founder of The Virgin Group already figured it out last week and, really, who has the brain power to remember the second guy? But anyway, he’s leaving this morning with his brother, plus an 18-year-old surrogate for a rich guy who had to go out on bail. Oh, and Wally Funk, 82, who will actually generate an amazing feeling when he finally gets a chance to defy gravity:
Funk’s path to the stars was not easy. In the 1960s, while AmericaThe first astronauts were undergoing rigorous NASA training, Funk was part of the Mercury 13, a group of 13 women who went through the same uncompromising tests. “We had no idea what we were going through. We didn’t know where it was taking us,” Funk said.
The Mercury 13 women met, and often exceeded, the men’s results. He said that despite all the fighting, he knew he would become an astronaut and go to space. But women would never have their chance. NASA required astronauts to be military test pilots, and the military at the time did not allow women to fly.
“I’m going. That’s my quest … I love to fly, that’s my job, that’s what I love. And I’m not a quitter,” Funk said.
Assuming the weather cooperates, liftoff is on 9 a. M. ET and the Live streaming is already underway here. As with all space flights originating from Texas, an attempt will be made to lure the Ted Cruz human toxic waste landfill into the cargo hold with a trail of pork rinds and tonsil cheese so that it can be disposed of in an environmentally responsible manner. If it works, everyone at EPA gets free donuts.
HEALTH by leaps and bounds for humanity. Speaking of space, 52 years ago today at 10:56 p.m. ET, John Kennedy’s vision of putting a man on the Moon at the end of the decade came true when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to set foot on a celestial body not called Earth: the most iconic human event that I (along with a microscopically small percentage of all humans who have inhabited or will inhabit this planet, making us very lucky) I was able to witness my own 5 year old eyes. It almost became tragic when they nearly landed inside a rock-covered crater, but fast-thinking Armstrong switched the controls to manual and steered the module to a flatter surface. And then … magic:
See amazing high resolution photos here. For you to enjoy the anniversary, this morning the C&J cafeteria is serving as much Tang as your belly can contain:
Truth: no one in space can hear you burp.
HEALTH at cleaning time. Nice article we noticed in yesterday’s Good News Roundup: With fires, droughts, and killer hornets raging across the land, it’s good to see that there might be a chance to at least liven things up on the water at Virginny Way, where Seagrass restoration is cleaning things up with unexpected efficiency:
Over the past 20 years, with the support of an army of volunteers, the project team has sown nearly 75 million seeds. About 9,000 acres of coastal bays are now covered in seagrass, which has improved water quality, increased marine biodiversity, and helped mitigate climate change by capturing and storing carbon.
The project “is a game changer,” says Carlos Duarte, a seagrass expert and professor of marine science at the King Abdullah University of Science and Technology in Saudi Arabia.both in its sheer scale and in the large amount of long-term data it provides on the climatic benefits of seagrasses. […]
Despite covering less than 0.2 percent of the ocean, [eelgrass] it is responsible for about 10 percent of the ocean’s capacity to store carbon. It provides vital habitat for marine life, encourages commercial fishing, helps purify water, protects coastlines, and even traps and stores microplastics.
Woof. Can Eelgrass clean the most viscous, scum, and oxygen-deprived dirt on the planet and make things better? Quick, someone blew a few tons of seeds into the fan duct on Fox News.
SHORT REST FROM HEALING
END OF THE SHORT REST IN HEALING
JEERS to today’s edition of Woof! Woof! Woof! Decelerate! What’s the rush? Courtesy of NBC News:
The Biden administration has transferred its first detainee out of Guantanamo Bay… The Department of Defense announced the transfer of Abdul Latif Nasir to his native Morocco in a statement early Monday. In 2016, under then-President Barack Obama, a review board determined that Nasir’s arrest was no longer necessary to protect against “an ongoing significant threat” to the national security of the United States.
He was captured after fighting American forces. [in Afghanistan] and sent to Guantanamo in May 2002he added.
This has been today’s edition of Woof! Woof! Woof! Decelerate! What’s the rush?
HEALTH for purty rhyming wurds. During this week in 1893, Katherine Lee Bates—A college educated coffee latte Cape cod liberal elitist – wrote the poem America the BEAUTIFUL later visiting an inspiring place:
One day some of the other teachers and I decided to take a trip to 14,000 feet Pikes peak. We rented a prairie wagon. Near the top we had to leave the cart and continue the rest of the way on mules. I was very tired.
But when I saw the view, I felt great joy. All the wonder of America it seemed spread out there, with the expanse resembling the sea.
Later it was put to the hymn “Maternal” by Samuel Ward. But just because Snoop Dogg wanted ten million dollars for the rights to “We just want to party with you.”
Ten years ago at C&J: July 20, 2011
HEALTH to the small tasks of cleaning the house. I know what you’re saying to yourself: “Hey, Bill! Have any cardinals resigned lately as a result of the priest abuse scandal?” That’s so amazingYes! Yes, really! And the loser is …
Cardinal Justin Rigali… The change comes five months after a Philadelphia grand jury report accused the archdiocese of failing to investigate allegations of sexual abuse by priests against children. But Rigali stressed during the press conference that his resignation had nothing to do with the scandal.
It could have been more convincing if his fingers weren’t crossed behind his back. His successor wink, wink it didn’t help either.
And just one more …
HEALTH to the master of suspense. A year ago I promised to keep you regularly updated on the progress of one of former President Donald J. Trump’s signature promises. Yes, on July 16 last he swore that he would ride through all the towns of all the United States of America and give gifts to all the good peasants. AP Writer Reported Jill Colvin at the time:
Trump says he will announce “a lot of exciting things” over the next 8 weeks, “things that no one has ever contemplated, thought or believed possible,” with “levels of detail and levels of thinking that many people strongly believe in.” that we didn’t have in this country. “
Yes, yes, yes, we realize that more than eight weeks have passed. But, to be fair, it takes a long time to plan something exciting, let alone “a lot” of them. So while we continue to wait for the former president to unveil his unthinkable things in great detail, C&J will continue to open the little door each morning in our Advent calendar of many exciting things to see what an undeniable gift he has left us inside. I took out the snack from day 368 and all I can say is don’t eat it. It is not chocolate.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. The floor is open … What are you cheering and making fun of today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Because Bill in Portland Maine is a good guy, I’m going to try to be a good guy today and give Greetings and teasing a C. In the end, C&J comes across as a huge, noisy, and too long blog post. “